How can we reach Nibbana when we're stuck in second gear...?
Hello friends,
Perhaps it goes without saying, but I am going to say it anyway: I do love our Sangha.
A few years back, if you had told me that we’d have co-created such an engaged, enthusiastic, emotionally honest, community of such deeply dedicated practitioners, it would have been right on the edge of my wildest dreams. But here we are. Doing it together. When I step back and take it in, it astonishes me in the most beautiful way.
Sangha can serve us in many ways as we navigate our Dhamma paths - it can be where we form wise friendships, where we come for support, accountability, inspiration, and connection. And then, sometimes, if we’re really lucky, we might receive one of those rare transformative moments of feeling truly seen, loved, supported, and accepted in our fullness.
I had one of those rare and special moments recently, when I received this:
If the Dhamma is the love of my life, then Delphine is the second love. Here is a photo of me and my Dad with her a few days ago.
On second thoughts, maybe I should have put my Dad ahead of my van on the list of things I love the most, but I’m sure he’ll understand.
So, how do we attain Nibbana when we’re stuck in second gear?
The answer, for most of us, is that we don’t.
Perhaps a better question is why on earth would we want to do that? Why would we want to make the journey unnecessarily clunky, sluggish, and inefficient?
Sometimes we’re our own worst enemies, aren’t we? - Holding on tightly to all things coarse and burdensome, wilfully keeping ourselves stuck in second gear, all whilst reserving the right to complain when progress is slow. Sometimes we want the best of both worlds, don’t we? - The familiarity and comfort of life in second gear, as well as swift progress towards Nibbana. Unfortunately, that’s not possible.
So, let me know in the comments below, what’s keeping you stuck in second gear? Let’s get confessional. Is it the late night pretzels, like our dear friend Dan Harris? Or rather late night binges of online content? Is is a relationship that really needs to shift? A responsibility you need to put down? A bad habit you need to break…?
Let’s be wise friends to each other, and harness the power of this wonderful Sangha to shift into a decisive third, or even forth gear over the weeks to come.
Lastly, a huge thank you to all of you who got back to me with ideas of things to write about. I received way more inspiration than I can process right now. For those of you who didn’t get a reply from me, please know that I did read and take note of every single suggestion that was sent. It’s just that there’s only so many hours per week that I am willing to spend on my laptop. I hope you’ll understand.
And so, I’ll be writing about those things and more over the weeks and months to come. And maybe (or maybe not…) the next newsletter will be the one with my booking button ;-)
In the meantime, if you’d like to support my work, you can do that here.
With much metta and gratitude,
Beth
For all of my adult life, I prioritized others' needs over my own. What seemed like compassion ultimately neglected my own well-being and I suffered. I used to see putting myself first as selfish, believing I was strong enough to absorb others' suffering and lighten their load at the expense of my own. I felt I was strong enough to do this and it was okay. Sometimes I did this expecting the same level of compassion from them and when none came I held it against them. This approach eventually failed, leading to a spectacular and unskillful overcorrection. My efforts left me broken and unbalanced.
Then, one morning on a retreat, it clicked. I watched a monk sweep the path to the meditation hall, clearing the way for others. This was the ideal of selfless service, yet what truly struck me was that he had not swept his own path. The key difference here was a monk who had clearly cultivated the needed equanimity and wise compassion and I had not. Sitting on a bench in the middle of the desert and only then was I finally doing the real work for myself for the first time in my life. I openly wept for myself and my own suffering. I contemplated this for a long time after the retreat and into my personal life. I realized I had been grinding gears, trying to reach a higher level of compassion without ever engaging the clutch—I'd missed a crucial, foundational step in skillfully caring and loving myself.
Today I feel I see more clearly with success but work still ongoing to engage that clutch.
As for me, I tend to have episodes when I give up and binge yt content or tv series to numb physical and emotional pain. I can manage to sit for a couple of hours in the morning, but in the evenings, I just don't handle it as well. I need to work on replacing that with simpler and more wholesome forms of rest.